Life has been so bad lately.
I have to manage my emotional turmoil while trying to staying on top of my study.
Waking up at 12pm and only slept at 4am when you already tuck in bed earlier.
Feeling sad without any reason.
And telling my worries to people just made me think that it is putting weight on them. I do not want them to carry this emotional weight. People do not have the time to think about me because they have their own things to do.
I just feel like going out, sitting in a cafe, talking to one people with the same frequency as me in terms of interest.
The one who would not get bored every time I talk about things I love like
pets,
stories in the Quran,
histories.
Sadly, that will only forever stay in my wildest dream. Nobody really has an interest in all of that at once. Nobody gives a sh*t about cats. Nobody values my interest. It is just always me, pretending to love other people's interest just so we can have things to talk while it does not really come from my heart.
I just feel like disconnecting with what I am doing for a while. Stop being a student. Stop worrying about the money I wish to save for my future. Stop feeling worried about everything that makes me sad.
For a moment, I just want to stop saying that I am too emotional or sad. What is wrong with that? I need to accept it. I am a woman, there ARE sometimes I am emotional. I am created as an emotional being. But sometimes I just need to brush that thought off because I do not want people to feel uneasy around me. Maybe it is time to stop pleasing anyone. If there is someone out there want to accept the fact that I am an emotional woman, I would treasure them.
I just prayed to God at the moment so there are good news coming shortly. Maybe get cat sitting offers. Or maybe get gifts out of nowhere. Or get some money. Or maybe making some new friends who really values what I like.
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