It has been quite some time that I am not in conflict with anyone. Just today, it decides to come out of the blue.
Being someone who did not bring a car in a city that is not accessible by car means you have to go around either with e-hailing or carpooling with your friends. Even though car pooling is my least favourite option, that is the thing that I need to do in order to get myself out from this island, to the hospital in seberang.
I carpool with a friend who lives around 5-10 minutes by car from my house. My house is in between her house and the seberang, in other words, she needs to pass my house in order to go to the bridge. But in the morning, I need to get to her house by taking a grab, so that means I need to go to the other direction and pay some more money. I wish that she would pick me up instead because that's the easiest way to do, my house is on the way to the bridge what? But what can I do, beggars can't choose.
I decided to ask her yesterday if she can pick me up at my house instead, only for one day. I was taken aback by her reaction, knowing that she was so reluctant to do it, even considering that my house is very near to the big road. And it is not always jammed there in the morning. I was upset but who am I to ask her to do things? I am not the one who have a car.
I wish nothing than to have my car by this week. I am so sick of having to carpool with 3 different people everytime I have a different rotation. I am so sick of being someone who cannot offer anything. I belive that she might be sick too because she has to drive everyday. I wish I can offer myself to drive her car but I am so afraid since her car is new and expensive. I have never drive a car like that before. I have never felt this useless in awhile. I feel embarassed. I feel like I am a burden. I hope tomorrow is going to be a good day even though the situation in the car might be awkward. I don't want to face tomorrow. How am I supposed to sleep tonight? I don't feel like going. I will make an excuse. Watch me 😞
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